Whats Going on in the Life of the Ward's
This Blog is the update's on what's happening in our life
What a special Christmas to have my family in one place and that place being Pt. Agassiz where I grew up. I spent three weeks out there and I don’t think I have been out there that long since I lived out there when I was 16. My sister Tabitha, and her husband Victor and 1 year old son Ronan live out there. Then on the 21st my dad Barton and my Brother Austin took his fishing boat out from Juneau. The following day Austin’s wife Jill and there six month old son Robert Thomas arrived on the jet in Petersburg and took a skiff out and then finally the following day my mom arrived in Petersburg by Ferry boat and then skiff. This is winter in Alaska so the sea’s can be pretty rough so it was a few wild boat rides but we got everyone out there. My greatest joy’s where my nephews. People that know me know I love babies! I got a couple weeks with my nephew Ronan who I have been around briefly twice before. There where many days filled with wagon rides, hide-n-seek, tickling, and the joys of a one year old’s life. He made me laugh a lot as he is one of the cutest kids I have seen. When my brother’s son Robert arrived it was my first time meeting him. Right away I developed a special bond with that guy. He is one of the biggest babies I have seen. Six months old and like 25-30 pounds. I pretty much had him as much as I could doing everything they would let me, feeding, changing diapers, bath’s, naps, giggles and play. I fell in love with that guy. This was what I was most looking forward to and I loved being an aunt!!!! We decided to have Christmas morning at my parents little house where we kids grew up. We all crammed in and had a great morning of watching the boys with new toys and just enjoying a family Christmas. My mom prayed for snow and the Lord answered her and we had a very white Christmas. The days after was grinding venison into burger, and all kinds of sausage. We had so much food! One day we did a trip across the river to visit our friends we grew up with. Going home after being away s long with family makes you face many things. One thing that I realize more and more is how much I have changed. I love my family so much but when I go home I do feel its home but I am also very aware of the life the Lord called from into the life I now live. I am so thankful for my roots but also so very thankful for my journey and the work the Lord has done in me and with me. It can be challenging for family to understand that change but overall I know they are proud of me. I have left my family many times but now that I have nephews I found it harder. I long for my own children and in many ways this is the closest thing to it, so I got a bit attached. They are both so sweet. I am now on plane headed back to Kona. I hope to write another blog soon about my entire journey over the last four months. The journey continues.......
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The month of December is spent in Alaska. I went from Denver to Wasilla, AK on Nov 30 for the release of my album “I Will Go” on December 1st. I find it just like the Lord to bring me back to Alaska for the release of my first album. Alaska is my home and place where I found my sound. The ministry Northwind Global Ministries I was apart of for seven years in Wasilla got its name from the scripture “Out of the North”. So it was awesome to be able to be in Alaska for it. When I got there I went strait from the airport to Northgate Church to speak to their youth group. The next night I spoke at their midweek service, the following night with their worship ministry team and then both Sunday morning services I got to share for a few minutes. During the day’s I was catching up with people so it was jammed packed five days but so good to be back there again. I think it had been a year a half or more. On the 5th I flew to Petersburg, Alaska which is the little town near where I grew up. I graduated high school there and claim it as my hometown. I was there for two days and had a small cd release with some old friends. Then out to Pt. Agassiz where I grew up and I am here till Dec 30th. It has taken some getting used to being back home. Life slows down to a pace that I have not experienced in 15 years, especially in winter. It is probably just what I need. My sister Tabitha and her husband Victor live out here with the their little boy Ronan. Some of Victor’s family lives out here as well. It has been great getting to know my adorable little nephew. He is one the cutest kids ever and I am not being biased. It’s hard not being able to be around family and have these little ones grow up without you. Nothing to crazy going out here, but a few adventures and highlights. I am staying at my parents little house which they have not lived in for years, because they live in Juneau now. So its as it was when I grew up but kinda falling apart. So I have some pots catching leaks, and trying to keep the generator running. I love the old bathtub, stains an all that I grew up with that my grandpa found in a old goldmine. The other day I was at my sisters house and all of a sudden we look outside and there is a wolverine near the house and it was running towards her goats. Victor grabs his gun and runs outside to shoot it, but it got a smell of him and took off in the other direction before he got a chance to fire. In all my years I have never seen a wolverine come in the yard like that, but I guess those little goats looked tasty. We are hoping he does not return for them. Yesterday we went on a Christmas tree hunting expedition on the four wheelers. We did find some good bull pines that should do quite nicely. In the afternoons I have been bundling up and going out hunting for a buck but no luck yet. Even with being out in the wilderness I do have to try and keep up with a few things but I don’t have internet out here but I have the iphone so I leave it the window and from time to time get enough reception to receive some e-mails but I can’t really send them. I can text once in awhile, but if I want to make a phone call I have to get on the four wheeler and go down the road. I really needed to make one the other day so I am sitting on the wheeler in the middle of the road in a snow storm. Its pretty funny when I think about it all. But out here its just life. Today I am in Petersburg, speaking at church this evening and running some errands to head back out tomorrow. My parents and brother and his family should be coming out this week for Christmas. Good times on the home front. Click here Before I tell you about the crazy Thanksgiving I want to tell you more about my time in North Carolina. As you read in the last blog I was there in Sophia with my friend Jonathan and Melissa Helser. They have a farm there that Jonathan's Dad has had for years called A Place for the Heart. Truly I have never been anywhere like it. This is the longest I have stayed there and I loved every minuted of it. Its a "thin place" between heaven and earth. The land has a song and you can't help be caught up in its unsung melodies and have creativity released inside of you. The most precious thing to me there is my friends. I have known Jonathan and Melissa for 13 years now and we have stayed in touch but a year and a half ago we really connected again. I just love them so much that I don't have words but just being with them awakens my heart. When I am with them somehow it brings confidence in my own life and in my journey. There children Cadence and Haven are some of the most amazing children I have ever known.
While I was there my friend Andrew York met up with me for second half and it was fun having him enjoy the time with me. We also had another friend from the Boiler Room in Kansas City come out, Adam Cox and his family. So it was just such a great time of kingdom connections and ministering one to another. The Helser's run schools and internship and I got to hang out with their internship and minister to them and that was so much fun as well. I feel like the Lord knitted my heart to that place and people so much more and I am already planning the next time to get out there. I feel like its a place I am meant to be often . I am looking at a week in March if it all works out. I knew that being in that place would stir my heart for my future as well. I felt like the Lord spoke to me that it would be a significant part of this journey I am on. It was. There is transition in my life and my time there really confirmed that in a whole new way. I felt like for the first time on this journey I got a bit more understanding of what that it is, only to open up another chapter of questions. I wish I could share more but at this time everything is still to vague and there is a lot of activity but not clarity. Things will unfold in the timing of God. On Monday, Andrew and I flew to Biloxi, Mississippi to meet up with the Sex & Money documentary team. I think all but one is a YWAM'er and they have made an excellent documentary on human trafficking in America. They are on a 50 state tour screening the film. They have been on the road now since I think Aug. and they have a few weeks left. Our time there was so amazing!!!! We went to do a pastoral visit to just minister to the team and be there for them. It was one of those sneak attacks of God where you think "oh this might be cool" and you leave going "that was amazing"! First of all we where staying in a building used for housing workers for the Hurricane Katrina relief effort so think of a simple dorm style building with a kitchen and a big open area with white walls an folding white chairs and tables. I was blessed to have a nice bed. Then this team is amazing but oh so funny and crazy. Rarely a dull moment to say the least. Half of them where my former students. I was a proud momma. Then of all places we are in Biloxi, Mississippi and I have never been anywhere like it. First night we are screening the film in a University and we decide to find some dinner. So we search on our phone and find a cajun place and think "when in Mississippi, might as well eat some cajun". We pull up to this place a bit of the beaten path that looks like a lit up carnival. Neon signs and lights everywhere. We pile out of the van to the sound of some music to which the style I could not identify but sounded southern in some way. The music was coming from a lit stage outside. We order and sit outside to take in the full ambiance. Around wooden tables and crazy lights strung outside in the Mississippi warm/sticky air. The guy playing the guitar was singing to beat the band and another person (never figure out if it was a guy or girl) was playing the Kazoo in a elf hat. Wow! It was truly an experience I won't forget. The day before Thanksgiving our host takes us on a swam tour in Louisiana. First we go to an all you can eat joint in Mississippi serving authentic food like friend green tomatoes and gizzards. Then off to the swamp. We where in a little tour boat and we got to see some alligators in the wild. They where pretty calm this time of the year but it sure was fun and unforgettable. That night we did a ministry night with the team. The Lord showed up in a powerful way and people's lives where changed. Its hard to he get into the details but it was very powerful and touched my deeply to see people encounter the Lord the way they did. Our time there was so strategic as we where able to help bring perspective and life. I feel like what happened with this team with have huge effects for years to come. Thanksgiving day was chill as most of the girls cooked and some went to the beach. That night the white tables where transformed into a beautiful table adorned with candles and delicious food. Most of the guys on the team wore suits. Some of them in 3 piece suits. In all my years of thanksgiving I have never been at one where they guys wore suits. It was great! They all looked so debonair. We ate, shared what we where thankful for, talked of the goodness of the Lord, played games, laughed, prayed and enjoyed our company and this Thanksgiving emensly. It was great in every way!!!! The next morning Andrew and I headed to Denver where his family lives and we had Thanksgiving number #2 and it was great. I am just enjoying this family that I kinda call my family. Its a relaxing place for me. On Wed I head to Wasilla, AK where I will be for 5 days. I think I am doing ministry almost everyday. Strait from the airport to a youth group then the next night a ministry night at Northgate. If everything goes well I get to release my album that night, I am so excite about that. I head to Petersburg, Alaska on the 5th and am there 2 nights have a album release there as well. Then to Pt. Agassiz where I grew up to be with my sister and her family for the rest of the month. I am so looking forward to it!!!!!! Its been a couple weeks since I wrote a blog, as things have been really crazy! Honolulu The week of Oct 31-Nov 4 I was in Honolulu teaching in a DTS. It was funny to travel back to Hawaii but just stay on Oahu and not go to Kona but it was good. My friends Kateland Hilty and Ben Peterson came over from Kona to roll with me for the week. Speaking in the DTS was a lot of fun. I really never get tired of it. I speak on Holy Spirit and I usually teach the same stuff but no matter how many times I speak on Holy Spirit it never looks the same. He is so faithful to show up and encounter people, and baptism them in His fire and love. My friend's give me a hard time sometimes because they say I get so excited and act like I have never seen it before. I love that about myself though because His mercies are new every morning and it never gets old or mundane to be apart of someone's journey in encountering the Lord in a new way. I love my job! Another amazing thing I got to do while I was there was connect with a crew that has a community house and house of prayer. Davidson and Tiffany Brooks, Clint Brooks, Tiger and Carrie Hill and bunch of others. My heart connected with them in a deep way. I don't know all that God has for them but I know His hand is on what they are doing. I feel to invest more into in the future as the Lord allows. The CALL Detroit I went from there to Detroit to help with the pre-call and then get ready for the Call on 11/11/11. It was was an awesome and crazy time. A whole crew from Kona come and others that are apart of Circuit Riders and Fire and Fragrance. We got there almost a week before with no real direction but came to support the long term CALL strike team that was there 40 days before praying and fasting. The Lord blessed me with a bed but most of our crew slept on a floor at a house of prayer called IHOPE. Most of our days looked like prayers sets, evangelism on the streets, evening rallies and then prayer/worship burns into the night. It was an exhausting week but amazing. I have never seen a city like Detroit. The history there is fascinating and baffling. When Henry Ford started the auto factory's he paid people $5 day and a huge migration of African American's came from the south to make four times what they where making before. They came with the a song of deliverance but as time went on they lost their song and materialism took over. Gangs, racism, poverty and much more took over. As things in the economy plunged this thriving city became more and more desolate. I have never seen anything like it in America. You drive down streets and there are whole neighborhoods were all the building are falling down and no one lives there. All throughout the city you see this. Even parts of downtown looks like a ghost city. Parts of Detroit is now the deadliest in the United States with gangs running so rampant that even the police won't go there. At the same time all this is going, muslims have started to take over a part of the city called Dearborn. Now over 150,000 muslims live there with the largest population of muslims in America with mosques everywhere, and the spirit of Islam has taken over. Lou Engell heard from God in an amazing way that this was to be place for this CALL on 11/11/11 because it would shift that nation. We all felt a great urgency and soberness in our spirits but at the same time a deep joy and love for the city. Our teams went onto Wayne State University and preached and ministered and saw some salvation and healing. One guy on our team went into the gang area and then we spent sometime down at Occupy Detroit and did a worship circle. Some guys that where Hari Christina ended up singing and playing with us. They where singing "Holy Spirit Come". We sang the gospel of truth! Then we did "burns at night" one of them we did was in Dearborn in the heart of Muslim district. We where crying out for God to give 150,000 visitations of Jesus in their dreams. We sang, danced and released. The night after that we did another one at his very large African American church. Bryce Anderson was leading the time and I was singing with him along with a team. It may have been one of my favorite sets in years. The Lord's presence came in such a powerful way. It was amazing!!!! Then a huge highlight for me was the team after us was an all African American team. Well anyone that knows me knows the "soul" inside. So without asking I just stayed on stage and sang with them for like 30 min. I am telling you I found my "sound" it was so much fun!!!! I am white girl but somewhere inside of me I think I might be black. ha ha I was freaking out with joy after that!!!! This CALL was the first ever 24 hour one (they are usually 12 hours). We where at Ford Field. About 30,000 or so gathered. It was epic in every way!!! Huge reconciliation between Black's and Whites. The most powerful time for me was when a man who had been a very high up muslim terrorist to America who had gotten saved in a powerful way, he stood before a Jewish Rabbi and asked forgiveness and repented and asked to grafted in. Oh my Goodness!!!!! POWERFUL!!!!! I was asked to represent YWAM and pray on stage a couple times and to pick three from our crew to pray. One area of prayer was for the release of Nazarite's (consecrated to God) generation so I picked three guys who I knew had all done a season of that. Sammy Rodriquez, Jeremy Curry and Tim Feddes. Then we where asked to pray for the release of Harvesters. This was a huge honor for me and profound in my own life. My album is coming out called "I Will Go" and its all to the "harvesters" of this generation. From there it jus spontaneously happened but it went into a release of women. I am standing directly between Cindy Jacobs and Stacy Campbell "momma prophets" and it was just very powerful to me what was happening in my life. Such an amazing, crazy time. I believe that CALL will shift things for the coming of the Lord in some way. I can also say I can't remember ever being that tired in a long time. So worth it all!!!! Sophia, NC Now I am Sophia, NC with my friend's Jonathan and Melissa Helser at their farm called "A Place for the Heart". This place is so special and I am so happy to be here! Many of you know of Jonathan Helser from his music but I have known Johnny and Melissa since I was 18 as we where in MorningStar School of Ministry together. There is such a deep connect in my heart with them. There is not many people in the world I feel like this with. I love them so much and this is exactly what my heart needed. It feels so good it almost hurts and I know that sounds weird but it's true. It awakens the deep of me! Tonight my friend Andrew York comes and will spend the rest of the time here with me till Monday and then he and I will go to Mississippi to do a pastoral visit for the Sex&Money documentary team. I am also getting so stoked for the release of my album Dec. 1. I have been in Irvine, CA for about 6 days now. It's been so great! I have been very blessed with where I am staying. When I was here last time for the outreach we where given some wonderful contacts and and this time I am staying with their daughter. I have a place to myself and and its so peaceful and relaxing when I am there. I am not there to often as I am out and about but I am so thankful. The Lord knew after the craziness of Europe that I needed a good place to be for a few days. I have been connecting with the Circuit Rider team that stayed on after the outreach and are living here. They are going for it and seeing some awesome stuff happening in the University's and churches in the area. On Sunday I drove down to San Diego to connect with my friend Eddie Brown and then one of my students who is his intern. Yesterday I was in LA catching up with my friend Shawn Bolz. Its been great! These last couple days I have been overwhelmed with joy and peace. I can't remember the last time I felt so healthy in every area of my life. I so needed this time and the longer I am in this season the more I am realizing how it is changing me. Its slow but its deep. I feel more freedom and life just being me then I ever have. I feel a joy that goes deeper then my circumstances and peace that passes understanding. I love this season and I know come Jan it will be crazy again, but I believe what I am gaining now will mark me. I can't even fully define or describe it. Its does not feel intense or crazy, just restful and good. I have had a real problem in knowing how to rest in my life, I am not sure but I am be getting there now. I have a bunch of crazy stuff coming up but I know it will continue to change me in this season. So good!!!! Thursday I will be going to the Impact LA conference with Shawn Bolz and connecting with Heidi Baker and Sean Feucht, that should be fun! On Sunday I head to Honolulu to teach for a week then strait from there to the Call in Detroit. I still have not gotten the breakthrough in finances yet and has continued to be my main point of stress but I know the Lord is faithful. If you wanna give its should would be a blessing! Well my Europe Journey is over now and I am on way back to the US. What an amazing adventure that will always be apart of the journal of my life. I am really looking forward to the next time I get over there again. I feel like I may invest into the Celtic nations on yearly basis. It’s part of me I just don’t know how it all looks yet. So my last stop was in Amsterdam. Fire and Fragrance has sent like 3 or 4 teams on outreach there now. That is where Andy was when God gave him the name “Fire and Fragrance”. We have some history there but I had never been so I felt it was important to go. At this time we don’t have a team from Fire and Fragrance there but we do have a outreach team from the Awaken DTS in Kona. This school is one the closest to my hearts and I feel like they are mine as well. My two wonderful friends Chase Cofer and Elizabeth York are leading the team so I went to visit them for 4 nights. It was a great time. When you think of Amsterdam there are many things that might run through one’s head. I don’t know that anything accurately prepares you for this city. First of all its one of the more beautiful cities I have been to. All the canals, bridges, buildings, its just amazing. You might also think it’s not a safe city, but oddly enough it is. Its funny I felt safer there then in London, Dublin, Glasgow or any of the big cities I have been in. So here you are surrounding by beauty and you know if you just walk in a few streets you will be hit head on with the Red Light District with the prostitutes in the widow and the all the shops selling marijuana. It is one of the stranger feelings I have had in a city. My first day there was Sunday so I went to church at a Vineyard church with team and spent a little time in the city but in the more beautiful parts. On day two I went with the team to Dom Square where they gathered and worship the Lord and did a treasure hunt. I decided to spend time alone in the city for the next several hours. I knew I needed to walk through the Red Light District. I have never seen anything like it so I thought I needed to face the reality of what was around me. So I just started walking toward’s the direction and knew I would find it soon enough. As I got closer it felt darker and darker and the smell of marijuana continues to fill the air. Soon I found myself in a small ally at about noon and the windows where filled with women. I was just praying the whole time as it was all quite overwhelming. Men where going inside the windows and I just kept walking and praying. My heart and stomach where sick and spirit grieved. I looked around me and there where couples strolling along, young people, tourists, children with parents and no one seemed shocked, no one seemed to care. Across from one set of windows was a coffee shop where men sat drinking their coffee watching and chatting like they do everyday. I just kept walking....... Trying to process, trying to pray, to carry His heart through it all. I went to the what they call the “Jesus Loves You” Building as it a big building that say’s Jesus Loves you on the top both in Dutch and English. They have a christian coffee shop right here near the RLD and I sat and journaled. After I met up with the team and we went to the Prayer Room right in the RLD and we lead a tour our set. This was one of the most amazing things I have done in a long time. It was my perfect response to the Lord from what I had just seen and experienced. I sang songs of His Lordship, HIs love, His redemption, His light and hope. It was also just amazing being in a prayer room again. We sang and prayed and it was amazing! The last day we went to this place with all the windmills and it was great to get out of the city a bit. That night we had dinner together in the city and I walked by crowd that was gathered around a man who seemed to be levitating. Yeah the first time I had seen that. It may have been a trick but there was absolutely no way to tell if it was. So I found myself just praying again. That night I gathered the team in the tower and prayer room and the YWAM base overlooking the city. I spoke on perspective and faith, we prayed and it was a great way to end my time there. I know I will be back again! So no I am headed to Los Angeles where I will go to the Irvine area where I will spend some time with our Circuit Rider teams there. I am also going to a conference called “Impact LA” with my friend Shawn Bolz and Heidi Baker and Sean Feucht will be there as well. I am going to bring up a few of the Riders to serve at it. I am looking forward to this time and I really feel like there may be some divine connections in these next few days. I am excited. Oct 20-30- Irvine an LA, CA with the Circuit Riders Oct 30- Nov 4 Honolulu to teach in a DTS Nov 5-13 Detroit, MI I am helping to head up a team for The CALL to do some ministry, prayer, etc Nov 13-21 Sophia, NC with my friends Jonathan and Melissa Helser Nov 21-25 Mississippi doing a Pastoral Visit for the Sex & Money documentary team. Nov 25-30 Denver, CO with the York Family Nov 30-Dec 5 Wasilla, AK (my Album is set to Release Dec 1) Dec 5-30 Pt. Agassiz, AK with my family Dec 31 Back in Kona !!!!! I know I keep saying this but I am still in great need of finances! I am now near the end of my Faith Journey in Europe and about to enter a new one in going back to the US. As I look at my time I have so many thoughts and feelings about it all. When people ask me how my time was I really don't know how to answer with a quick response. I am at a loss for words as it was much deeper then I knew and I think will continue to unfold for some time to come. I may may be a little raw and vulnerable in what I am about to write and it scares me a little to let people read about the deeper things of my heart, but I am going to go for it anyway. A lot of people have heard my testimony and know some of my journey. I have been in full time ministry now for many years and my life is about living for Jesus. I speak all the time on relationship with Holy Spirit and how He is my best friend. Every bit of it is true. For sometime now I had realized that I had come to a place in my life where I gave my life away to people. Anyone that really knows me knows that I say more then having a prophetic gift I have a gift of love. Most days start with me being with people by 8 or 9 am and not getting home from ministry till 10 at night. No one asked me to give this much of myself, I have just grown accustomed to it. I have realized for some time now that I can not maintain a healthy life this way. I just love to minister and be with people! I knew in many ways I needed to find my "first love" again. I set out on this faith journey not really knowing what would happen. A little scared nothing would. It has always been my dream to go to Ireland and then Scotland and Wales. Never did I imagine I would go alone. I had no one to go with me so I decided to do it alone and n the back of mind I knew it was a set up from God. That first night in London I thought maybe I had lost my mind in doing this. All alone in a not so great part of town, driving a manuel on the other side of the road and not really have much money. Things did get better and soon I got used to it all. It was weird at first going to see things and experiencing all this by myself. I did talke to my best friend Holy Spirit throughout it all. Sometimes I would just walk down the streets signing. As time went on I found myself enjoying it more and more and realizing there was a peace that passes understanding coming again. I was being centered again in Him. For those that know me, you know I am prone to encounters from time to time from the Lord. I had an expectations that would happen but soon I found myself not really caring and just enjoying the journey with Him. As this part of my journey comes to end here in Europe I realized I have been in an encounter with the Lord the whole time. There was one main question and desire I had through this trip. That desire was to be completely satisfied and reliant on Him. You see more then any other thing since I was a girl, the desire of my heart was to be a wife and mother. Like most girls I thought it would have happened at a young age. I find myself now 31 years old and just as single as I have always been. It has been one of the hardest thing I have had to face. The constant "why God". The battle of hope and feeling like I am being ripped off. Not understanding, dealing with lies that there is something terrible wrong with me. I could go on and on. See your mind will tell you one thing and heart another. People say all kinds of interesting things to try and encourage you and explain it. They give you words that give you hope for a moment and fade with time and you wonder if they where just speaking out of their own hope for you. I used to think I would never marry to make myself deal with it better because it was easier to deal with that fact then live in the tension of hope deferred that had made my heart sick. Then I got to a place finally where I lived in hope and believed "someday soon". The question is how do I live in the place of hope and faith fulling believing but not allowing my heart to grow sick. How do I live there and be completely content in Lord now. I don't actually think there is a direct answer, its part of a journey. So I asked the Lord to meet me while I was all alone on this crazy journey, I asked Him to do something with all of that. I am tired of this crazy battle of the heart. As I journeyed with Him my heart came more and more into peace and the desire for a family never diminished in any way, maybe actually increased. I felt peace, I felt hope, I felt love! Then one day, just a few days ago I was in Northern Ireland with the Fire and Fragrance team thats there. They where all busy and I had such a strong desire to just go and be with the Lord. I ended up finding this little road up a mountain and I got higher and higher and never saw a single soul. There where little farm houses around but it was like all the people where missing. There where animals and life everywhere. I just pulled over next to this green field and sat there and waited. Not more then a few seconds passed and the Lord flooded my soul! Out of what seemed like no where He began to speak. He showed me pictures and spoke answers I had wondered about the "why". He spoke His heart! No, he never told me when, he never said anything about the future. He spoke about the past, He showed me how my response of always keeping my heart open in the midst of pain, rejection, not understanding, in the longing and waiting, how I had chosen to love. To give myself away to Him and to others. He asked me if I thought I would have done all of the things I have and ministered in the ways I had, if I He would have given me what I wanted then. Now there is no way of knowing fully what my life would have looked like, but somehow again this crazy peace came. Of course I am weeping as He spoke so many things which are to personal to every put in a blog. He was sweet, tender and I knew His heart. As I drove of that mountain that day I had no more answers of what was to come, but there was a smile between the Lord and I of the secrets we shared, and the relationship we had. It was well with my soul. I have more faith today that I will have my own family someday. I pray this peace and grace remains. I no longer think maybe there is something wrong with me as to why, or even something wrong with them of why they don't choose me. I will never fully understand it all, but my life is bearing more fruit then I ever dreamed it would at 31 years old. I have embraced the pain and known Him in it and it has produced life! The desire and longing increases but so does my faith and hope! Until then it is well with my soul! So what now? Well I am have one more day in Amsterdam, and I will write a blog soon about this place. Then I head to Irvine, CA where a Circuit Rider team is living and I am going to check in with them and connect with other friends and ministers in the area for about 9 days. I am still in great need of finances!!! If anyone wants to sow into this journey I could sure use it right about now! You know there is a places in the earth that imagine will look or be a certain. Well when it comes to Ireland it really is everything I imagine it would look like. They are coming into the rainy fall season but even in that it's so beautiful. I have spent the last three days in the South of Ireland on the coast, staying in Dungarvan. For the last few days I go out and on adventures and finding different old churches and cities. Driving through little villages and towns and stopping to look at things so much older then anything we have in America. So much history. Being alone I don't have anyone to talk to so it leaves a lot of time for the imagination. As I sit alone in some old church yard of village I think about the history of these places and the lives once lived there. I stand in front of castles and imagine the horse drawn carriages and the different going on's. Its kinda fun. This is not really the tourist season so a lot of places I end up I am the only one there or just a few people around. Sometimes in driving down some little road I don't see car's for miles. One place I went to is the his old abby in Admore and they have these tours around and this one was one of the oldest. But the monks built them for when they where invaded they would take all their most pressure writings and things and get in the tower and pull the latter up so the enemy could not get it. But then I began to wonder ha ha why did the enemy not just bring their own ladder, but anyway there pretty cool. The next day I checked out the city of Waterford. It's one of the only places in Southern Ireland that both the Catholic and Protestant church where built by the same guy. A very old town! That night I went back to watch the Ironman live on my computer. I was up till like midnight watching my friend Chris Leito race. So sad he did not win, but he is an amazing man of God and and an amazing athlete! So inspiring! One day I went to Mt. Mellory Abby and its in active one. I think when I was there all the monks where taking their nap because they get up at 4 am. It was up in the mountains and very beautiful. As I went into the entry way of the abby there was a flyer on a bulletin board advertising a charismatic catholic conference called "Fire Fall Down" I thought that was so interesting. I know they have them but a funny to thing to imagine all these monks and nuns just going for asking for the fire of God to fall. Love it. There was a little coffee shop up there and I made friends with a girl and it was nice to have conversation with someone. :) Yesterday I drove up to Dundalk above Dublin and it was rainy and stormy. Today I made it to Rostrover where the Fire and Fragrance team is. I can not tell you how happy I am to see friends from home. My students and staff that I just love so much! My heart is happy today. I will be here for the rest of my time in Ireland. The Lord is speaking to my heart more and I feel like He is doing a good work in me. I may have written this in a previous blog but I realize more and more that what provokes the things inside of me are not locations as much as people, and the assignments of God more then places. So I love being with the team again! I have seen some provision (thank you Jesus and those who gave), but I am still in need of some breakthrough to finish out this trip! More to come on the rest of my time in Ireland. Its late and the wind is howling outside my window, my nose and finger tips are cold, with a cup of tea beside me and I love it. I am in Dungarvan, Ireland. Its a little costal town at the bottom of Ireland. Let me back up a little about the rest of my time in Scotland, but go grab a cup a tea and settle in with me as later I want to tell you a story. I had a great time in Scotland and was so blessed to be able to stay at my friends "flat" in Glasgow and get to Todd and Ruth better. On Sunday I went to two church services one in Glasgow and one in Edinburgh. It was a much more conservative Sunday compared to last week in Wales. I know there may be religion, but as I looked around me I again was aware of people's hearts for God and I love that! On Monday we went up into the Highlands and that was my favorite. It was a bit rainy so it was hard to get some great pictures but it cleared up after lunch and I was able to see more. I just love it up there. You know if I was ever to move to Scotland I don't think I could do the city I would definitely have find me a little place up there! My last day in Scotland I caught a train to Edinburgh and checked out the city and the castle. Walked all over and took in the culture a bit more. That evening one of my old Fire and Fragrance students Daniel Brown who was only married two weeks ago, came and picked me up. There was this little meeting with this couple from America who worked for Iris Ministries but lived in Israel and now lives in Scotland. Anyway they where having this little meeting with some visiting ministers from South Africa and the U.S. So I went to meet them and go to this meeting. It felt kinda funny being there only because its very rare for me to be in a room where prophetic ministry is happening and I am not the one doing it and am just someone in the room. It was good for me. I was called out and prophesied and prayed over and it was encouraging. Nothing earth shattering or new but encouraging way to end my time in Scotland. Oh Ireland how I have waited for you! So this is where I want to tell you a story. Many years ago now I had this vision/encounter of a room in heaven that was all celtic. At the time I had no idea what I was seeing. But I saw this room and everything in it was celtic and in the middle was a glass case with a book under it all in celtic looking writing. All over the room where lines of DNA and they where going into all the nations of the earth. Later I talked to my friend Ray Hughes who is historian and authority on all things celtic. What I described to him was the "Book of Kells" and he said it really is under a glass case. He said that what happened in Ireland has effected the rest of the world, hence the book "How the Irish Saved Civilization". I have always loved the celtic nations, but from that time I knew I would one day come here and when I did it would be significant. So I have been waiting for so long, and now I am finally here. So as soon as I got in I got the car which was a huge issue which I don't want to talk about but I am need some serious finances! Anyway I made my way strait to downtown Dublin and had to pay like $12 for parking and then I went to Trinity College where the "Book of Kell's" is. I was thinking that seems like a good place to start. Well when I get there they are going to charge me another $12 just to see it. I was like "lame"!!! But I did not come all this way to be stubborn about money so I was like Jesus help me here the car, the parking, now I have to pay to see everything but oh well here I go!! I walked through all the exhibits (to get my money's worth) and then into the room where guess what? There is a glass case with the "Book of Kell's" under it. Its a very surreal feeling to see something in the natural you have seen in an encounter. I actually really felt the presence of the Lord while I was there. Still praying into it all. I walked around Dublin and ate an Irish meal for dinner. I finally found the place I was staying at like a guesthouse B&B and I was on the top floor and a tiny little room. It was a nice enough place but I found myself really struggling last night. There was a lot of warfare and I felt so alone and I just wanted to run away! It was a hard day and not what I expected to feel and it made me afraid for the rest of the trip but I knew I would press through. I must of pressed through because this morning felt so much better! I ate an Irish breakfast at the B&B and was up and out to St. Patricks Cathedral (had to pay again to see it). I walked around Dublin a bit more and then started by trek to Dungarvan. I stopped at sights a long the way and took pictures and just had a good day with Jesus. It was so pretty. I got a bit lost, but that can be fun to. I love where I am out now out of town and near the ocean. I will be here 3 days and plan to explore the area. Everywhere I go people are so surprised I am traveling alone, but I know I am not really alone. So for all of you reading this I am in a bit of deal with finances right now. Things ended up costing me so much more then I had anticipated and I really need a pretty big miracle in this area. It is a faith journey and I went, but if any of you want to give it would be so appreciated or pass the word along. I also have some pretty big things coming up after this trip. I will tell you more soon. I am falling for these Celtic nations more and more. I always knew that whenever I came here there was a good chance that would happen. As I have learned how to drive a bit better and not so terribly focused on everything little thing I am doing I have been able to relax a bit it take things in around me better. This has seemed bring a bit more enjoyment to the trip. So since I last wrote a blog I had a couple more day's in Wales. I have continued to make some great relationships with folks there. I had some great divine appointments and times of prayer with people. The Lord has His way as I was able to encourage and speak into some lives as well as have them bless me. The longer I was in Wales the more my heart started getting stirred for this little nation that carries so much revival history. Something that I have seen, experienced and history tells us is one of the main oppositions to "revival" is the "spirit of religion". I am careful to what I call religious as I think sometimes we can be wrong and call something religious just because it does not look like what I would called "freedom". But at the same time there is so much "religion" in these places where there was once revival. As I walked around and saw all these people around me I got to thinking that if they where from this area that somewhere in their family line a few generations back the likelihood of revival effecting their family was great. There is revival in their DNA. Again it does not seem like the hinderance to "revival" is the unsaved and the world it would seem the main hinderance to seeing it happen again is the religious. But oh God is bigger then that! It's happened before!!! The more stories I heard of this nations while I was there the more I want to come back! I did not get near the time I would want there. This journey is one of scouting things out for me, being led by the Lord and moving onto the next place and seeing what God is doing there. Now I just need to come back and spend time in certain places. Making longer investments. Seriously if God asked me to I think I could come and give some real time to this. But I still have important current assignments from the Lord where I am at. I have no intentions of doing anything different unless He speak! As I drove to Scotland it was a 7 hour drive I pondered these thins a lot. The first few days I was here I was questioning if my heart would connect. It was a bit of a mystery for me. But as I drove from Wales to Scotland my heart was stirred in a greater way and I found myself being more and more convinced that I would connect and invest in a greater way in the future. The Lord blessed me with some beautiful weather. The GPS took me a different way then I thought I was going to go and I ended up off the main motorway and on some back roads for awhile that gave me a longer trip but well worth the scenery. Then as I drove into Scotland I was kinda freaking out. Rolling green hills with stone buildings off in the distance with sheep scattered about. Ahhhhh yes!!!! But then I got into Glasgow I was a bit overwhelmed by the city and streets and I wanted to turn around and go back to the hills. I will just camp out in some abandon stone building. Sneak in a old church or something. I quite like those old graveyards, I think I would be perfectly comfortable hanging out there among the majestic tombstones that are so old you can't tell who is buried there. I am drawn to those places as I imagine the lives of those who once lived in these lands. I think I would prefer that then the hustle and bustle of the streets. But I need both the graves tell a story but the living are the inheritance and where the revival is! I am staying in the city of Glasgow with my friends Todd and Ruth Weller who are YWAM'ers from Maui but Ruth is Scottish so they live here for now. Once again its very nice to be in a home with people that love Jesus. Yesterday I drove two hours to me meet a pastor who drove two hours (we met in middle). It was a great connection and I think something may happen in the future. He is a pastor of an Elim Church which is kinda like the Assemblies of God. Then on the way home I went the long way around the coast and that was great. Today its pouring rain and I am catching up on a few things before going out tonight with Todd and Ruth. I am hoping it clears up in the next couple days I have here. So one thing is I returned my car today as I won't be needing it here anymore. I got charged so much more money then I thought. The guy that talked me into the upgrade because it was better on fuel was very misleading. I think I am paying like $400 more then I thought I was going to be. I am so bummed!!! I wrote the car rental company but I don't know if they will do anything. If not I need more provision thats for sure. I will not be talked into an upgrade in the future even in they do tell me I will save more on fuel. Sheesh!!!! So more of Scotland to come!!! |
AuthorThe Ward family adventures by Amy Ward Archives
November 2023
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